Looking for Alibrandi Short Story

A Letter of Hope. As John sat in the bustling coffee tree shop and gazed at the blank paper in front of him, beads of sweat broke across his forehead and trickled slowly vote out his face. How was he meant to preserve bring down what he was feeling when he couldnt explain it? He knew his emotions were in there somewhere but he just couldnt overstep them. They were locked tight, stuffed somewhere deep down. He was comfortably numb and that was something that terrified him. It was as if the numbness was pulling him into a black hole. He was trapped, unable to get out. His thoughts were jumble and out of sync. He couldnt tell if what he was feeling was real.Was he capable of feeling emotions anymore? It was as if John was a ghost. Doing what he had to do to get through the day. Doing what he could to make his take proud. That wasnt living in his opinion. It was merely existing. His hands started to tremble. Looking up at Josie he study her. She had a look of pure concentration o n her face as she wrote everything down. He couldnt help but envy her. Sure her life wasnt perfect but it was a hell of a lot better than his. She could choose her own career without being screamed at for hours on end. She could get iodine bad grade without being told she was a failure.She didnt have to be perfect, and she was beginning to slowly understand that. That was something John would kill for. Even his best wasnt ample. John had tried his best to please his stimulate he studied ambitiouser than any oneness else he knew. Hed sacrificed so much to try and make his father proud, but nothing was ever good enough. John closed his eyes and leaned his head back thinking of all the times he was put down by his father. Pain welled up from deep inside him. He thought of the times he was told he was hated or not good enough just because hed been beaten in a math competition.He thought of the times he had come home to his father opening his postal service then calling him worthles s when the results werent up to his standard. The times his father wouldnt speak to him because he hadnt got the perfect mark. Maybe his father not talking to him would have been a relief if it lasted more than an hour. John was starting to get more and more shopworn every day. Tired of the unremitting pressure, tired of not meeting expectations and of not being able to live his life the way he wanted. But most of all he was tired of the constant nagging voice in his head. The voice that wouldnt leave him alone.The voice that was the cause of so many nightmares. If John could be who his father wanted him to be then he would. But he just wasnt capable of that anymore. He was sure of it there was no way that he could reach his fathers larger than life expectations. It just wasnt possible. His father always wanted that little bit more. He finally decided that it was time to dowery how he was feeling with someone else and that person would be Josie. He bounced his legs absentmindedly , took a deep breath and with his heart pounding in his chest he started to pull through down the words that had plagued his mind for the last few months.He wrote the words he hadnt had the courage to say to himself. Can you see what I see? No I dont think you can I see images of nothing and I attempt to make that nothingness mean something as hard as I try there is still nothing and that nothing is meaningless I am somewhere else now, away(p) I am contact by people and the blueness of the sky but still nothing has changed everything remains the same I am still alone. As John sinless writing he let out a breath. He raked his hands through his hair nervously. He thought it over one last time. Was he really ready to bare his soul to Josie?Taking another deep breath to help calm his nerves, John folded the letter and sealed it with some gummy tape. With his hands trembling he handed over his most private thoughts to Josie. After they had exchanged letters they said their goodbyes and went their separate ways. Once John got outside he looked up to the hazy sky and let out a shaky laugh full of relief. Maybe just maybe Josie would be the one to save him before it was too late. He hoped that she would open the letter before graduation and help him put back together the shattered pieces of his life. Because deep down that broken boy wanted to live more than anything in the world.